


I Love Him Anyway

by prxnxykxi



Series: Ryden Angst Fest [9]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Character Death, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-14 20:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10543768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prxnxykxi/pseuds/prxnxykxi
Summary: I really hate making Ryan out to be the bad guy all the time but that's just how it's working out. I'll make Brednon the bad guy soon.





	1. You Move In Circles Hoping No One's Gonna Find Out

_ You put a sour little flavor in my mouth now _

_ You move in circles hoping no one's gonna find out _

_ But we're so lucky _

_ Kiss the ring and let 'em bow down _

_ Looking for the time of your life (no one's gonna find out) _

 

Brendon and Ryan had been going steady for quite some time now, ever since the release of Northern Downpour actually. Nearly a year now, and they were still together. And Brendon thought everything was going fine. 

 

Emphasis on ‘thought’. 

 

\-----

 

Brendon’s back was damp from his shower, making it a little hard for Ryan to snuggle up against him properly, but still, he managed. With his face pressed into Brendon’s shoulder blade, he closed his eyes. 

 

“Night, Brendon.” he murmured as he pressed a gentle kiss to Brendon’s damp skin. 

 

“Night, Ry.” muttered Brendon, his smile etched across face. It seemed to be permanent whenever Ryan was around.

 

They slept peacefully, up until Ryan’s eyes flickered open. There was rustling downstairs. It seemed to be coming from the kitchen. As he got up, Brendon rolled over, reaching out and grabbing onto Ryan’s wrist. 

 

“Where you goin’?” he grumbled out, sleep weighing his words down. 

 

“I’m just going downstairs. I’ll be back in a minute. Go back to sleep, Bren.” Ryan smiled and kissed Brendon’s cheek, pulling the sheets over his shoulders. He waited until Brendon was asleep again before sneaking downstairs, fist clenched tight, ready to swing. 

 

The rustling was most definitely coming from the kitchen, which either meant some homeless person had found their way into the house, or one of their friends got hungry. Ryan would never understand why Spencer and Jon, or even Dallon (some guitarist they’d met a while back), insisted on breaking into their house just for food. 

 

Ryan slowly crept into the kitchen and flicked the light on, his eyes flickering to see Spencer standing near the fridge, his eyes wide from being caught. 

 

“Spencer!” Ryan hissed, not wanting to wake Brendon who was probably worried enough. 

 

“What?” Spencer replied, tilting his head slightly. “What’d I do?”

 

“Stop sneaking in here! I was ready to kill you! Brendon’s probably having a stress nightmare because of you.” Ryan huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

Spencer grinned sheepishly. “You wanna go down the street? The bar?” he asked. 

 

Ryan opened then closed his mouth, raising a brow in attempt to fathom how Spencer could go from breaking and entering to ‘you wanna go to the bar?’. After a moment, Ryan simply sighed and nodded. “Let me write Brendon a note.” 

 

Spencer nodded, watching Ryan move about the kitchen for a minute. After he’d finished writing the note, he dashed upstairs and placed the sticky note on the bedside table beside a slab of chocolate truffle cake. Hey, never let it be said that Ryan Ross wasn’t a considerate boyfriend.

 

Upon returning downstairs, Spencer grabbed Ryan’s wrist and yanked him out the door, making the other stumble. 

 

“Jeez, calm down.” Ryan grumbled.

  
Spencer only laughed, smiling at Ryan with a fondness unlike he’d ever seen cross Spencer’s face before. Maybe this was a bad idea.


	2. A Pretty Picture but the Scenery is So Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right, okay, let's talk about a few things. 
> 
> One, the chapters in these things are gradually getting shorter, and I apologise for that.
> 
> The other being my update schedule. While I know it's not ideal, for me or the reader, I've been working on it. Yesterday, BCM brought my attention to the severity of my terrible updating. I really need to stop posting like, two works a day, and I'm getting better, but I'm trying for one or two CHAPTERS a day. They won't be apart of the same work, of course. They'll be different. But I'm going to try for this schedule and see how it works out.
> 
> Thanks for listening to my small update rant. Enjoy the chapter.

_ A pretty picture but the scenery is so loud _

_ A face like heaven catching lighting in your nightgown _

_ But back away from the water, babe, you might drown _

_ The party isn't over tonight (party in your night gown) _

 

They’d been at this bar for nearly three hours now, and Ryan was beginning to worry that Spencer would drink himself into a coma. Not to say Ryan wasn’t drinking, because he was. Heavily, in fact. The bet had been that whoever could finish the most beers in an hour could drag the other person along with them for an entire week, no exceptions (save for the possibility of death). 

 

“Ryan,” Spencer hiccuped, giggling as he stood, “Ryan, you know - hiccup - you know what would be stupid?” 

 

Ryan grinned dumbly and tilted his head, making the world around him spin a very unpleasant fashion. “What?” he asked. 

 

“If we kissed.” Spencer managed through a fit of hiccups. It was crazy, with the amount Spencer drank, you would expect him to be a pretty subtle drunk. But no, he was hiccuping and giggling and swaying all over the place. 

 

Ryan’s face went red, redder than it already was. He carefully set his bottle on the table and stared at Spencer, watching him sway where he stood. “You’re insane.”

 

“No, no, I’m not. Think about it, no one would ever have to know. Unless you can’t keep your mouth shut. Brednon- erm, Brenbo, no, Brandon, it’s Brandon. Brandon would never have to know.” Spencer explained, laughing at his own stupid slip up with Brendon’s name.

 

Ryan began to laugh. “Who’s Brandon?” he asked through chuckles. 

 

“I don’t know.” Spencer laughed in return. 

 

Ryan chuckled, shaking his head and shifting slightly. When he did this, though, he slipped right off his chair, falling into Spencer. The younger man caught Ryan, surprisingly, his arms snaking around his torso to keep him upright. The entire evening after that was a blur, between them kissing after the fall and them returning to Spencer’s house. 

 

\-----

 

The next thing Ryan knew, he was laying in Spencer’s bed, chest rising and falling heavily with his breath. The sun (no, not Brendon) was peeking through the curtains, illuminating Spencer’s sleeping form beside him. Wait...this isn’t right. 

 

Ryan shot up, his eyes going wide with the realisation that he had, in fact, cheated on Brendon. “Fuck.” He mumbled, quickly redressed and scrambling out of the room. 

 

With his head throbbing, Ryan hailed down a cab and told the driver to take him back to his place. When he got there, he burst through the door, taking a deep breath to recompose himself before stepping into the kitchen. 

 

Brendon stood in front of the counter, making a sandwich out of the discarded items Spencer had abandoned. 

  
“Morning, Ry.” Brendon said, glancing up with a smile. 


	3. Where Will You Be Waking Up Tomorrow Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right, okay, keeping in mind that I'm only posting 1-2 chapters of different works a day (hopefully), I'll be working on something new. I'm not sure how it'll play out, or if I'll even post it, but we'll see how it goes. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

_ Hey _

_ Where will you be waking up tomorrow morning? _

_ Hey _

_ Out the back door goddamn but I love her anyway (hey) _

_ I love her anyway (hey) _

_ I love her anyway (hey) _

_ Out the back door goddamn but I love her anyway _

 

The rest of the day Ryan was paranoid. Everytime Brendon said something that could even remotely relate to where he’d been last night, or who, Ryan freaked. Internally, of course. But Ryan never was good at hiding things from Brendon. 

 

“You okay?” asked Brendon, shortly after Ryan’s latest scramble to answer his question of ‘coffee?’.  He set a colour changing mug with the words ‘ **New York, New York** ’ scrawled across in deep purple letters that went nicely with the blue that the mug changed to when warm. 

 

“What?” Ryan replied, looking confused for a moment before letting the realisation hit him. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”

 

Brendon nodded skeptically. “You sure? You seem jumpy.” he said as he took a sip from his mug. They’d decided early on that Brendon wasn’t allowed to have coffee unless he had just woken up. Too many things could happen. So he drank hot chocolate. It wasn’t a big deal really. He liked them just the same.

 

Ryan let out a small sigh. “Look, Bren, I gotta tell you something. And I need you to know that it’ll never happen again.”

 

Brendon tilted his head to the side, curiousity flooding his features. That certainly wasn’t making this any easier. “Sure, okay.” he said after a minute. 

 

“Well, last night Spencer got in again, right?” 

 

“Right.” 

 

“And, well, he asked if I wanted to go down to the bar with him and I hadn’t hung out with him for a while. Not since the last show, I think. So I said yes. You saw the note. And the cake?” 

 

Brendon grinned and nodded enthusiastically. 

 

Ryan smiled a little, finding it adorable that Brendon still acted like a child trapped in a twenty-three year old’s body. “Right, well, we were walking to the bar and he kept looking at me all weird. Like...y’know when I zone out? And all I see is you? It was like that, and, uh, we got to the bar, and we were pretty drunk, right? So he said that we should kiss. Just to see what it was like. I didn’t think he was serious. And the next thing I knew…” 

 

Brendon frowned, realising that maybe he didn’t want to hear this after all. Still, he stayed silent, waiting for Ryan to continue.

 

“I woke up at his house. In his bed. And I didn’t know what happened until I saw. And, Bren, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to. I don’t even know how it happened.” Ryan’s eyes were watering by this point. The lump in his throat that he hadn’t realised was there grew and he took a few breaths to calm himself.

 

“You...slept with Spencer?” Brendon asked quietly. 

 

Ryan merely nodded, trying to make himself look smaller than he was.

 

Brendon sat there, completely silent for a good three minutes before taking a deep breath and asking: “it won’t happen again. Right?” 

 

“Of course not, Bren.” Ryan said, his head snapping up so that he could look at the younger man. “No. No, I promise, it’ll never happen again. I don’t even have to hang out with Spencer if you don’t want me to. You don’t either. It’s all up to you.” 

 

Brendon shook his head, letting a small chuckle slip. “No, Ry, you don’t have to promise me any of that. I just needed to know if it would happen again. It’s fine. You’re here now, and I’m just glad you told me.”

 

Ryan nodded, getting up and crossing to Brendon, wrapping his arms around him. “Thanks, Bren.” 

  
“Sure, Ry.” Brendon murmured, hoping he hadn’t made a mistake.


	4. You Got 'em Wrapped Around Your Finger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO BCM was WRITIng SMUT  
> that TURNed ouT LOVELy

_Way down 'til the fire finally dies out_   
_You've got 'em wrapped around your finger_   
_Watch 'em fall down_   
_There's something beautiful and tragic in the fall out_   
_Let me say it one more time_ _  
_ (Tragic in the fall out)

 

Ryan had promised. He’d promised it would never happen again, and, technically, it’s not. This isn’t Spencer after all. But, even as he told himself that, he couldn’t help the feeling that he couldn’t rebound from this.

 

Jon’s lips left Ryan’s neck, sending a shiver up Ryan’s spine. He hadn’t realised just how cold the bathroom was until the breath that kept his skin warm was gone.

 

“You alright?” asked Jon as he slid down in front of Ryan.

 

Ryan gave a small nod and motioned for Jon to continue.

 

\-----

 

Ryan was exhausted. Who knew holding yourself up against a bathroom stall could be so tiring. He watched as Jon stood up, gave Ryan a pat on the shoulder and exited the stall. It was only until he was sure he was alone that Ryan left. No way he was telling Brendon. No fucking way.

 

Ryan pushed the bathroom door open, doing his belt back as he did so. Someone brushed against him, rather sensually, so he glanced up, eyes going wide when he saw who it was.

 

“Brendon.” he managed.

 

“Hey, Ry. I figured you’d be here.” Brendon replied, slowly pushing Ryan back into the bathroom.

 

Ryan’s face went red. “What’re you doin’?” he asked, letting Brendon press him against the wall.

 

“Havin’ a little fun.” Brendon replied with a purr. “Why? Somethin’ wrong?”

 

“No...it’s just...I figured you’d want to go home first.” Ryan said, a little too quickly, though he hoped Brendon wouldn’t pick up on it.

 

Brendon hummed, feigning thought before he nodded. “Let’s go.”

 

Ryan took Brendon’s hand and let the younger man pull him out of the bar and onto the street.

 

\-----

 

Brendon lay beside Ryan, his head resting against Ryan’s chest. His hand was curled into a loose fist where it lay on Ryan’s stomach. He was sleeping peacefully, or at least that’s what Ryan hoped he was doing.

 

Ryan carded his fingers through Brendon’s hair, letting the fringe fall from his grip, only to be picked up again. His mind was racing, and he wondered if he should tell Brendon what he and Jon had done. He was bound to find out sooner or later anyway, right?

 

No, he wouldn’t mention it. Not unless it was absolutely necessary. So he let Brendon sleep, listening to his breathing and hoping everything would be okay. It would.

 

Wouldn’t it?

 

\------

 

When Brendon woke up, Ryan was just about asleep. The soft noise Brendon made pulled him back though. “Bren?” Ryan asked.

 

“Morning, Ry.” Brendon replied, his voice slightly groggy. Ryan had always love Brendon’s morning voice, rough but somehow soft at the same time.

 

“Bren, I know you just woke up and everything, but I gotta tell you something.” Ryan mumbled.

 

Brendon yawned, rolling his shoulders so that his back popped. “Sure. Go ahead.”

 

Ryan sighed quietly. “You’re gonna hate me, but I was with Jon last night and…” he trailed off, looking down at Brendon with a look that said the rest.

 

“Oh…” Brendon murmured, shifting into a position where he was peering down at Ryan with a disdainful look. “I thought you said it wouldn’t happen again.”

 

“I didn’t want it to. But we were drunk, and I wasn’t thinking.” Ryan said.

 

“Blame it on the beer all you want, Ryan, but it was your fault.” Brendon huffed out, brows furrowing. “You said it wouldn’t happen again and it did.”

 

“Bren, I swear, I won’t ever happen again. I promise. Cross my heart.” Ryan pleaded, pushing himself into a sitting position. This made Brendon shift so that he was level with Ryan’s eyes.

 

It took a bit longer for Brendon to reply this time, but he nodded. “Fine.” he mumbled. “I trust you.”

 

“I love you, Bren.” Ryan said.

  
Brendon nodded again. “I love you too.”


End file.
